fostering the humanistic practice of medicine publishing personal accounts of illness and healing encouraging health care advocacy

fostering the humanistic practice of medicine publishing personal accounts of illness and healing encouraging health care advocacy

A Dance of Love

Like a rose
The nurse says
Of this new, unexpected opening into my body,
Fastening the pouch with expert hands
Deep red
Inside out

My hands tremble as I empty my
lunch of meatloaf and mashed potatoes
Rendered brown murky liquid
Into the toilet.

Later, in the darkness
I awaken, out of place and time
Covered in the waste of my own body.

My husband answers my call
Blinks himself awake
Calmly circles my naked body
Splayed across the bed
Offered up
Like the pale underbelly of a fish.

He is careful, tender
Approaching, retreating,
Patting and patting again.
Until the flesh is clean
Until the rose is safely covered
Until my spirit is quiet.

My gaze turns away, drifting upward
Lands on the plaster ceiling,
Looking down as this man
By my side for so many years,
Unafraid
Of this new me,
Fastens the pouch,
Pulls a clean gown over my shoulders,
Straightens the covers,
Kisses my forehead
And keeps watch as a I drift back to sleep.

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Elena Schwolsky is a retired nurse, activist and writer living in Brooklyn, NY. She has written an award-winning memoir, Waking in Havana: A Memoir of AIDS and Healing in Cuba (She Writes Press, 2019), and her work has appeared in several anthologies as well as the American Journal of Nursing and Intima: A Journal of Narrative Medicine. “After a diagnosis of advanced stage ovarian cancer in August of 2021, my writing has become a lifeline that connects me to the world and helps me get through the ups and downs of life with cancer.”

About the Poem

“This poem was written as I adjusted to an unexpected ostomy following surgery for stage 3 ovarian cancer. My hands no longer tremble as I change the pouch, but I am still grateful for my husband’s love and support.”

Comments

4 thoughts on “A Dance of Love”

  1. Susan Schirber

    I want to say Hi! I recently finished reading “Waking in Havana.” I appreciate your chronicling some of the thoughts, feelings and decisions we had growing up in the 60s and 70s. I’m glad to hear you’re still learning and growing. Also that you have some one to love you.
    Susan

  2. Louis Verardo, MD, FAAFP

    This was just a very touching piece, and written in such an elegant fashion. Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment.

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