fostering the humanistic practice of medicine publishing personal accounts of illness and healing encouraging health care advocacy

Worth It

A few days ago, I welcomed our new first year medical students to the medical profession with a story. It went something like this:

I was in clinic yesterday, so I’m going to tell you a little story about clinic. I see patients in our school’s mobile health center. A few weeks ago, I and the third-year student rotating with me were waiting for the last patient of the day. It was already about 3:00 p.m., so we assumed our 2:00 p.m. new patient wasn’t going to show up, which isn’t uncommon in our free clinic. But around 3:15, she arrived. Showing up super late isn’t uncommon either. We quickly learned she is a recent immigrant from Haiti and was feeling bereft because she left her two kids behind when she got the opportunity to come to Miami.

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Superpower

I sometimes tell my children that they have superpowers—usually when they’ve done something amazing, unique or powerful.

I’d like to think that I, too, have a superpower: I can move physical pain from a 9 to a 0, just with my thoughts.

I’ve been practicing this power—honing it—for more than twenty years now.

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August More Voices: A Turn for the Better

Dear readers,

In old movies, a greying, bearded physician arrives in the middle of the night to tend to a desperately ill family member. If the film has a happy ending, the doctor emerges from the sick room a few scenes later to solemnly pronounce, “The fever has broken.”

In my years as a physician, I would sometimes see those sudden turns for the better: A woman admitted to the hospital with a raging kidney infection responded to a few doses of antibiotic; a man with congestive heart failure whose shortness of breath went away after an intravenous infusion of a diuretic; a child who was happily eating breakfast two days after surgery for acute appendicitis.

It’s wonderful to see symptoms resolve with a medical intervention. But in my experience, many turns for the better are more nuanced.

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Healer’s Legacy, Broken Bonds

It’s hard to hate my father. It’s harder still to love him.

When my younger sister shared with me the news that my dad was offered the opportunity to serve as Director of our local medical school, my first reaction was one of pride. I recalled the times I spent in his private office mentoring residents. Like my grandfather before him, who was also a surgeon and a teacher, my dad loves to teach, so it’s not surprising that teaching loves him back.

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Chronic Illness

He’s sick again.

It’s a major production
getting him to the doctor’s office.
Dressing a paraplegic,
loading the wheelchair,
strapping it down in the van.

Leaving an hour early, just in case.
Always prepared,
I take along a packed bag,
half for him, half for me.
Because you just never know.

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What’s Left Unsaid

Editor’s Note: This piece was a finalist in the Pulse writing contest, “On Being Different.”

Standing with the rest of the medical team outside the hospital room of our first patient of the day, the attending physician nods impatiently at the resident to get started with morning rounds.

“Right, uh,” she fumbles, before finding her footing. “Philippe Dubois. Twelve-year-old boy with Duchenne muscular dystrophy. Here from Québec with his father for annual follow-up. No change in medications….”

As a first-year medical student, I’ve already watched enough medical dramas to know that this is how reports are given—in cold, clipped sentences that reduce people to patients, patients to diseases, diseases to signs and symptoms and stereotypes. Rich life stories lost in translation.

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Transcending Boundaries

My diagnosis launched me into a world where everything felt foreign, even my own reflection in the mirror. But little did I know that that reflection would ultimately help me discover myself.

At first, self-discovery was the last thing on my mind. At age 39, I was facing Stage 4 endometrial and ovarian cancer, and, with it, my own mortality. As I focused on making it through each day of chemo, while struggling to heal from the surgery that had plunged me into instant menopause, I was more concerned about making it to the bathroom than about who I saw in the mirror once I got there.

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Her Call Was Tougher Than Mine

“Is he in pain?” Joshua’s mother asked, after I told her who I was. She had finally answered the phone after fifteen days of letting my calls go to voicemail.

“I don’t think so,” I answered. The truth was, at that point in my early career as a pediatric resident, I didn’t know whether he was in pain. “We’re giving him medicines to keep him comfortable.”

“Okay,” she said. I could hear young children laughing in the background. I knew from her obstetric records that she had five besides this newborn.

“Any questions?” I asked.

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