Doctor-Mom vs. Gender Dysphoria

Once a week, it happens to be on Mondays, I gather the supplies:

1. Alcohol wipes
2. 1 mL syringe
3. 18- and 22-gauge needles
4. Vial of testosterone
5. Mini sharps container
6. 16-year-old child

I follow the steps that the clinic nurse taught me:

1. Carefully wipe the rubbery top of the vial and my 16-year-old’s tricep with alcohol
2. Screw the 18-gauge needle onto the syringe
3. Pull back the plunger to suck air into the syringe
4. Pierce the rubbery top of the upside-down vial
5. Inject the air into the liquid
6. Draw back 0.5 mL of testosterone
7. Push in the plunger until the tiniest drop of liquid beads at the tip of the needle
8. Exchange the obscenely large 18-gauge for the kinder, gentler 22
9. Pinch a clump of the 16-year-old’s tricep region between my thumb and forefinger
10. Push the 22-gauge needle into their flesh, empty the T into their soft tissue

My scientist brain likes the cold, hard facts of the injections. They distract me from the emotional uncertainty and subjectivity of the situation.

(Although I do find it weird how someone long ago decided that the smaller the gauge number, the larger the needle. Counter intuitive. Inversely proportional.)

I wonder if the injections will help achieve your desired outcomes:

1. Deeper voice
2. Facial hair
3. Male-er facial structure
4. Cessation of menses (not entirely achieved with Depo-Provera)
5. Breast shrinkage

Most of all, I hope the injections will prove that I:

1. Love you
2. Believe you
3. Support you
4. Want the best for you
5. Will do whatever I can to create a happy, healthy future for and with you

Lisa Sieczkowski
Omaha, Nebraska