His broad, open smile met me as I walked into the exam room. I noticed his feet didn’t quite reach the floor, and he was wearing sandals. His feet were wide and squarish, the type of feet one would get from going barefoot their entire life. The type of feet my yoga teacher always asked us to emulate with toes spread wide and space between each digit.
Boundaries, respect, culture and personality are all parts of bedside manner. Boundaries and respect are, ideally, reciprocal between physician and patient. I want to project warmth, humanity and concern but I don’t want to burden my patients with my fears, frustration and anger.
During a delivery of a young woman of her first child, she said to me “You look really scared. Are you okay?” I had just found a concerning fetal heart tracing, and my bedside manner was not helpful to her. I quickly tried to rearrange my face.
He said he wanted to talk to me. He asked for me by name. He was seated in the waiting room, a lone pale face in a room full of brown faces. I asked my medical assistant to query him as to why he was there, while I continued to see patients; he told her he had something to give me—something he could give only to me.
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My father’s final gift to me was acceptance and an expression of love that I had wanted for many years.
My father had Alzheimer’s disease at eighty-three years old, and my mother was his caretaker. He would wander and escape, and she would have the police bring him home. He would get dressed at 3 a.m. for a day at the beach in January, and she would convince him to stay home. Her health was suffering.
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