fostering the humanistic practice of medicine publishing personal accounts of illness and healing encouraging health care advocacy

“Hello, It’s Your Electronic Medical Record Calling”

I’m sitting in the waiting room at my hematologist’s office. Today is bone-marrow biopsy day—the day a drill will penetrate my hip bone to extract a sample.

The road to this moment began several months ago with a routine blood test at my annual exam. The test showed an abnormally high count for one type of blood cell. I was referred to a hematologist for further evaluation. The referral surprised me, but I wasn’t worried—yet.

I endured several more tests to rule out some conditions; however, my hematologist, Dr. Fawcett, has suggested that we move forward with the bone-marrow biopsy to get the full picture.

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Saved by the Bell . . . of My Stethoscope

One fine spring day, I strolled out of the hospital, heading from the ER to the clinic building—wearing my white coat, with my stethoscope draped around my neck, surrounded by residents and students, chatting happily about the weather and sports. It was a wonderfully ordinary moment. Suddenly, I found myself knocked to the ground and my stethoscope broken—the bell separated from the aquamarine tubing—unable to fathom what had just occurred. A golf ball trickled by me, rolling toward the curb.

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When Milestones Fall Short

His chart read like a list of losses: no speech, no eye contact, hand flapping, no interest in others. By age five, milestones expected years earlier had not been achieved.

His dad told me a different story: “He’s shy. He’ll catch up. Some kids just take longer.” He smiled as he spoke, but his eyes gave him away. His denial wasn’t ignorance—it was love that refused to let go of hope and that braced against fear.

Meanwhile, the baby brother babbled and waved. He cried when I checked his ears, burying himself against his father’s chest. Across the room, the preschooler pressed his hands tightly over his ears, trying to muffle the outburst. The contrast was stark. While the father soothed the baby, I reached for the older child. He drew back from my touch, his gaze locked on the floor.

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A Tall Tale

No physician would diagnose me with a disability. That label comes from within myself; it has been with me since I was age twelve and reached my adult height of 5’8”. I felt like a physical outsider—a Brobdingnag in a world of Lilliputians. Walking through the halls of junior high and then high school, I adopted the turtle trudge—head buried in my shoulders to try to take inches off my height. All I succeeded in doing was ruining my posture and causing my neck to constantly ache.

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October More Voices: Disability

Dear readers,

When I think of a disability, the image that pops into my head is that of Christopher Reeve, the sturdy, handsome, good-humored actor who played Superman in the movies and then suffered a horseback-riding accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down.

His story is a reminder of how fragile and uncertain health is, and how it can collapse under us at any moment–no matter how gifted or strong, handsome or fortunate we may be.

During my medical career I took care of many people who were disabled, although most of these disabilities didn’t involve wheelchairs or crutches.

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Fifty Years Later: A Revolution in Nursing

I began my nursing career in 1975 at a hospital in New York City. I was a young woman from a small city in upstate New York, eager to grow professionally and also to broaden my worldview. Although I later relocated to advance my education, the experience of living and working in New York City changed my life in countless, positive ways. It was a great honor to volunteer after September 11th, as a way to give back to this wonderful city.

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Infinite Excuses

A long day makes me want to get home, and I’ll have
to explain, again, why I’m late to pick up the kids. The merge
onto the Expressway slows. At least the drivers stay patient,
taking turns. We keep stuttering forward until I see the cause
of our delay–two cars against the median, front and sides
crumpled metal. Next to them sits a white, windowless van.

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