fostering the humanistic practice of medicine publishing personal accounts of illness and healing encouraging health care advocacy

fostering the humanistic practice of medicine publishing personal accounts of illness and healing encouraging health care advocacy

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Grits and Grit

My husband and I took care of my Alzheimer’s-ridden mom for five years, and as any caregiver knows, we all have had to develop “true grit.” “Grit” to me is inner mettle and perseverance.

Any disease is difficult to deal with, but with Alzheimer’s, you’re often dealing with an ungrateful stranger, due to the changes in the brain. The “stranger” part didn’t bother me as much as the “ungrateful” part did.

I’ve helped strangers along the way, and they’ve helped me, and we all appreciated the efforts of others. But when my mom had Alzheimer’s, her insults would fly, and so would I. My “flight” would be to go for a walk to get a grip, if Hubby were watching her. When she’d criticize my cooking, as in, “The grits were too gritty,” I just had to grin and bear it. “True grit” indeed.

I knew it was the disease talking and not really my mom. And if I forgot, my husband would remind me. My “real” mom would never insult anyone about anything, let alone me. When I’d ask her if she wanted chicken salad for lunch or grilled cheese, two of her favorites, she’d sometimes tell me to “drop dead and go someplace warm.” The first time she said this, I was appalled, but by the tenth time, I told her I better bring sunscreen and a hat.

As I write this, it’s early morning, time for breakfast. Grits anyone?

R. Lynn Barnett
Alpharetta, Georgia

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Comments

6 thoughts on “Grits and Grit”

  1. Hi Lynn, I love the title of the Grit piece and the memoir you note above! Humor is so important and can be hard to access in the depths. thank you for giving a model on how to do it!

    1. Hi Colleen. Thank you for your kind thoughts. I found that finding the humor in an otherwise humorless situation, and then writing about it, was a great stress reliever. I think we all need humor and heart in life, (and in books). I think caregiving is an often under-appreciated role. So many people have the title of “caregiver” these days. I think we all deserve a round of applause. R. Lynn Barnett

  2. Thanks for your thoughts on Grit. As a retired hospice RN, now caregiver to my husband with Alzheimers, I can certainly relate. Short-term memory loss is both a curse (forgetting the names of our children and grandchildren) and a blessing (forgetting that he was upset with me because I wanted to cut his fingernails). Hang in there!

    1. I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis. I found that writing my book was a great stress reliever. I know how you feel about memory issues being a blessing and a curse. The blessing part for me included the fact that in order to coax my mom back into the house, as she’d often wander, regardless of weather predictions, I’d say, “So- and-so said they would call you in 10 minutes, so we need to get back home,” and she’d readily agree. Of course, 10 minutes later, it was a forgotten thought, but I had gotten my mom safely back home. R. Lynn Barnett

  3. Thank you for your thoughtful essay. I really appreciate the recognition that keeping a sense of humor goes a long way when being a caregiver.

    Glenn

    1. Thank you. I actually wrote a book encapsulating our caregiving escapades called, “My Mother Has Alzheimer’s and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver’s Tale.” I thought of the title when I was driving home from work one day, and i realized that my once broad life, was reduced to the pressing health concerns of my mom and dog. I wrote it with humor and heart, since you need both in life, and particularly when dealing with health issues. As you posted, humor can be a saving grace for us caregivers. Thanks for your comment. R. Lynn Barnett

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