During a recent trip to Manhattan, I attended a matinee and found a survey from the theater taped to my seat. As I carefully filled it out, the woman seated next to me—a senior citizen like myself—loudly took exception to a question on it about gender identity. “There are only two genders,” she proclaimed, “female and male. These ‘binary’ or ‘trans’ choices are nonsense.” I perhaps should have confronted her about her closed-mindedness, but I remained silent.
People have the right to decide who they are based on how they feel—what their own bodies communicate to them. I learned this firsthand when I worked with a trans individual at my local university’s Writing Center. This 20-something person had been born male, but knew they (their pronoun of choice) were female. They were currently undergoing the process to have their body match their understanding of who they are.
They came to work in blouses and skirts; dangling earrings and bracelets accessorized their outfits. They were never without lipstick, rouge, and eyeshadow. Ironically, I came to the Writing Center wearing jeans and a T-shirt; while I did wear earrings and a wristwatch, no other adornments or make-up highlighted my female identity.
I spent a lot of time talking to them—or should I say, listening as they spoke. I learned about the pain of being uncomfortable in one’s body—a pain quite a bit more intense than the sting I felt from being too tall. I learned about the loneliness of feeling self-alienated—and the fear of being mocked and/or bullied by others due to appearing different from what society defines as the norm. I also learned about the costs—financial, physical, and emotional—of undergoing surgeries and spending time in a transitional stage of being neither one gender or the other.
After only one semester, they did not return to the Writing Center. When I inquired about what had happened, no one seemed to know—or care. I wondered if the struggle to become themself had become too much and if they gave up the process. I prayed that they had not inflicted self-harm but had found a way to survive and maybe even thrive as the woman they knew they were meant to be.
No matter what road they have traveled, I hope that they have found peace within themself. We all deserve acceptance, from ourselves and from others, no matter who we are.
Ronna L. Edelstein
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
