Has it all come down to this, after a lifetime of quantifying success against arbitrary goals? To achieve, whatever the cost? A competitor by nature, I prefer victory to failure.
Retired and sixty-six, I see my oncologist every month. Just when I’d hoped to be free of success by someone else’s calculation, I’m checking for lab results in my electronic medical record.
Yesterday, I learn that my numbers are climbing up.
heads or tails
win, lose, or draw
the taste of sky
Today, we enjoy a leisurely lunch at a trattoria on “restaurant row” in New York, then stroll to our Broadway matinee through frenetic Times Square. One of the friends joining us eagerly asks me a question that feels more like an indictment: Everything good with your cancer?
I shut down. Don’t want to talk about it.
skimming stones
bounce across the surface
then sink
Even at this point in life, I am still not sure what counts. In spite of my diagnosis, I refuse to be defined by it. I remind myself often that my husband and I have built a wonderful life together.
touched by rain drops
and mountain laurel blossoms
moss shifts underfoot
Kirk Lawson
Accord, New York
16 thoughts on “Keeping Score”
Dearest Kirk,
You are such a beautiful human being.
Your prose touched my deeply.
So glad you are in my life.
Thank you for your very kind words Deborah. Ditto for you being in mine!
Beautiful, Kirk. Of course, the reference to numbers going up stopped me cold. But the juxtaposition of that reality with the “natural” world is part of what elevates the piece. Thank you.
Haiban is the perfect writing genre to bring in prose, allowing for narration and much description, couple with haiku, requiring precise and brief thoughts.
So glad you enjoyed!
Thank you for our dear friendship!
How poignant Kirk…I was so moved by the power of this piece, the honesty with which it was written, the contrast between prose and haiku…it is your story rich and beautiful…
Thank you Janis. In spite of health challenges, we can all enjoy and express gratitude for the many wonderful bits of our daily lives.
So grateful we met through a writing program.
Deeply touching and personal. “Even at this point in life, I am still not sure what counts.” A comment that many of us can relate to.
So grateful for our friendship spanning most of our lives Denise! I can say that this counts very much in my life. Much bigger and more impactful than my cancer !
Kirk
Brilliantly written around a difficult subject, and I love the specificity of mountain laurel blossoms and moss shifting underfoot.
Thank you Alan for teaching me so much about Haiban. I am grateful our paths crossed, and keep crossing.
Kirk
This so beautifully expresses what is happening for you and how it feels. I especially like “the taste of sky”. It’s beautiful.
Thanks Val for your kind words and wonderful partnership in our poetry reading group!
Very touching. Beautifully done.
Thanks Jose for our longstanding friendship and your writing mentorship!
“Touched by raindrops…” Beautifully written. I’m happy you find meaning in life, carrying each day with resilience.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful feedback. Resilience is something that indeed carries us forward and heightens our ability to enjoy present moments.
Appreciate you taking the time to share a comment.
Best, Kirk