I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so I need seven pills per day. I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so I feel alone most of the time. I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so I cannot run or jump. I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so I harass myself most of the time. I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so I get mad with those I love.
I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so I cannot lead a normal life. I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so I feel anxious most of the time. I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so I am never sure about what I feel. I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so I do not know what I want. I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so maybe I will never be a mum. I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so maybe I will get cancer. I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so some days I would prefer to sleep.
I have a hormone-related chronic disease, so here I am. The only thing I can do right is to write and create art. My hormones are my command, and my thoughts are not divine.
After four days of eating what I am not supposed to, and writing and painting, I am full of emotions. So who knows if what I feel is true? What if I am trapped in my hormones again? I can’t trust myself. I am not able to handle all these emotions and thoughts. My thyroid thoughts.
Or maybe I just accept the imperfection. Perhaps I need to rest on my vulnerability for a little while. That would be nice. But . . . it hurts my feelings. I need to cry. Enough.
Maria Carolina Alderete
Morristown, New Jersey