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fostering the humanistic practice of medicine publishing personal accounts of illness and healing encouraging health care advocacy

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Brain Scan

I slide into the MRI machine.
Sleds slide downhill, propelled by their own weight;
my movement’s horizontal, made through means

outside of my control: a man in green
scrubs bops a button, turning me to freight
that’s fed into the MRI machine.

The plank to which my body’s strapped is lean,
with no room for my hands. I relocate
them, curve my palms against my stomach. Mean

and meager is this tract of which I’m queen,
and I have zero subjects to dictate to
in this lonely MRI machine,

yet one small joy lurks: heated blankets screen
me from cold air, so I can concentrate
on my interior life, the dopamine

rivers that unreel, outrush, careen
when, weighing rhymes, my mind starts to create.
I slide into the MRI machine,
a movement teaching me what movements mean.

Call for Entries

Pulse Writing Contest

"On Being Different"

Jenna Le, one of Pulse’s poetry editors, is the author of two full-length poetry collections, Six Rivers (NYQ Books, 2011) and A History of the Cetacean American Diaspora (Indolent Books, 2018); the latter was an Elgin Awards second-place winner. She is also a two-time winner of the Poetry by the Sea Sonnet Contest. Her poems appear in journals such as AGNI, Los Angeles Review, Poet Lore and Verse Daily. She lives and works as a radiologist and educator in New York City.

About the Poem

“Curiously, one of my earliest published poems, ‘A Radiologist’s Ghazal,’ published by AGNI in 2012, also juxtaposes sleds and radiology. I think this recurring motif reflects my fascination with radiology as a field that’s both highly cerebral and surprisingly physical: The weight of the lead apron drags at the waistband of your trousers; spilled barium gets caked on your shoes. If getting an MRI makes you feel in some ways very small, it also makes your hands feel enormous as you realize there’s no comfortable place to rest them during the test. These little observations about the unexpected physicality of radiology were things I didn’t want to forget about my hospitalization experience, so I wrote this poem.”

Comments

5 thoughts on “Brain Scan”

  1. One of my most favorite students was named Jenna, so I already felt positive about your poem before I even read it!

    I have had many MRIs; the loudness and sense of claustrophobia were overwhelming—but the warm blanket helped, as it always does. Your magical, engaging poem perfectly captured my experiences. You are a word master. Thank you for sharing your talent with those of us who turn to Pulse for honest, exceptional, beautiful writing.

  2. Amoolya Kamalnath

    I don’t remember how it is at the CT or MRI. For me, the most recent experience has been at the radioiodine whole body scan, where as you write in your piece, there was no place for the hands to rest and I wasn’t allowed to rest them on my abdomen! This eternal question runs in my mind throughout the procedure: “Why isn’t the plank made such that the arms can rest too?”

    I am going to save this poem for the next round of my whole body radioiodine scan. Thank you for writing this poem.

  3. Lovely. I commend you for making art out of what I though of as a tremendously difficult experience. I was so claustrophobic in the squeezed-in space that I felt like I was suffocating and being deafened at the same time. Finally I realized I could ask for an “open MRI” and life was much more pleasant.

  4. Dr. Louis Verardo

    Lovely and lyrical, Ms. Le. I wish I knew of your work when I was having a series of MRI studies of my own several years ago.
    A copy of “Brain Scan” should have been posted in those changing rooms with the small lockers located near the MRI machines; I’d much rather have focused on your phrasing and imagery, rather than on that awful clanging noise…

    Thanks for this beautiful and artistic piece.

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