September 2023

“Do you want to be a good psychiatrist?”

When Dr. G posed this question to me, I was a senior medical student on the last day of a month-long elective on the inpatient pediatric psychiatry unit. I knew by then from Dr. G’s teaching, and from his demeanor, that his questions were often not questions. They were, instead, buckets, drawing from the dark wells of patient stories to make the unknown known, the unseen seen.

Being a child of medical parents brings special challenges. For example, such children grow up with a unique idea of appropriate dinner conversation. When I exclaim, “Guess what I saw at work today!” my children interrupt to inquire if my story has blood or something “gross” in it. And they regularly yell, “HIPAA!”—a reference to the federal patient privacy regulations—even though I always deidentify patients.

Boundaries, respect, culture and personality are all parts of bedside manner. Boundaries and respect are, ideally, reciprocal between physician and patient. I want to project warmth, humanity and concern but I don’t want to burden my patients with my fears, frustration and anger.

During a delivery of a young woman of her first child, she said to me “You look really scared. Are you okay?” I had just found a concerning fetal heart tracing, and my bedside manner was not helpful to her. I quickly tried to rearrange my face.